Argh I’m not a total freak ;-)

Have you ever listened to something or read a book which has made you stop in your tracks and fight back the tears?

Not because it made you sad but you felt an instant feeling of belonging?

You could have written it yourself apart from they have been able to put into words something which has been too muddled in your own thoughts.

All this time you felt there was something wrong with you. That you didn’t fit in or didn’t belong and that no matter how good things are going there is an underlying loneliness which brings nothing but darkness into your mind?

That no matter how many friends you have or people you have around you that you just feel a deep sense of aloneness?

Well this happened to me. I read something which brought me to tears. Tears of release.

I realized that what i am experiencing is totally normal. A mid life crisis they called in and there are lots of reasons which lead us to feeling so unfulfilled irregardless of how ‘lucky’ we are.

I am going to try and write a lengthy blog post on this over on http://www.Createmore.space focusing on the reasons behind this and hopefully some things we can do.

I also believe I was MEANT to listen to this part of the audio book I am listening too TODAY.

It followed a coaching call with a wonderful lady yesterday and we touched on this loneliness there. The world really does show up and support you when you lean in and listen.

With love lovely

V xx

 

That invisible cape

Hey you! I have 5 mins to update you on my day.. no pressure then 😉

So today I hosted a get it done day with some members to help them move their websites forward. So a really lovely day chatting online while sitting on my sofa (many days are like this for me!)

But in between sessions I squeezed in a coaching session with a wonderful lady. To clarify I was the one being coached. She took me through the Disney strategy which I will explain more about when the clock is not ticking so loudly but for now I want to share the parting advice from the session.

To take down the invisible cape and just get comfortable with being seen.

How can I help people if I live in hiding from the world?

How can I make a difference if I hide under my invisible cape?

And that is what I have been doing in various degrees for years. I will pop out to do something but then go back and hide again when I feel to visible.

It looks like this :

Step 1) Do something online such as video or heartfelt post.

Step 2) Get noticed, receive comments and feel heard.

Step 3) Freak out that people heard my words and then go back and hide back under my cape.

REPEAT

Because I am scared. Scared of being seen and yet I so much want to share what my heart is screaming at me. I believe us humans have it so so wrong and think I could genuinely help people and yet here I am too afraid to speak above a whisper.

So much to unpick here ( I did say my mind was muddled) but not for today as I need to do the school run… and fast!

With love

Victoria xx

Getting out of overwhelm

When you are deep in the thickness of overwhelm you can’t even see a way out let alone make time to do the things which could change everything.

When you are the observer of someone who is stuck it is so easy to get frustrated with them. Why can’t they just do the thing… why can’t they prioritise the thing which will take them out of where they are?

They seem stuck in a cycle of fire fighting and they can’t seem to help themselves.

You can throw the odd life raft of an idea and yet they take no action.

It’s important to remember that it is not their fault. It is not your fault. It is the way of the modern world.

People stick out jobs which are destroying them as they are too depressed to take action, too overwhelmed to take action or too confused to take action.

They allow themselves to stick at it far too long as they don’t have the time or energy to do anything else.

The thing is though that while we remain in the uncomfortable state of treading water we will be forever in that deep water. We will never reach the shore or the side of the pool while we simply tread water.

We NEED to find a way to get to the edge and then get out at some point. Treading water gives us time but we need to make sure that this isn’t the activity which will see us through for years. Allow it to be a short stop gap while you gather your thoughts.

You NEED to MAKE time to plan your route, MAKE time to do things which are not just surviving in the haze of messy thoughts but which will take you to where you want to be.

So much easier said than done but incredibly important and one which will eventually save your life. If you tread water for too long then you will grow too tired and will give into the deep water below you. You must pull the energy and motivation from somewhere in order to set yourself free forever.

Big love

Victoria

Clearing a muddled mind

Hey you! So I had fallen out of the habit of mediation but managed to squeeze in a 20 minute session in the last two mornings before the kiddies woke up. Is it any co-incidence that I suddenly feel totally empowered, clear and intentional about my next goal? After I meditated today I opened up my google drive and started writing my first book. I have sat with the wish that I would become an author and yet I have done nothing about it. Yes I have stated to pen out various book ideas but I have never FULLY committed to it.

I realize that I want to be published by a big publishing house… and my dream would be Hay House. Of course the mind monkeys started to jump all over that and remind me that I am in no way good enough or important enough to get published by such an amazing publishing house and yet why the hell not? I have just as much to give as any of their previous authors, I have a lifetime of experience living this life which so many wish to life and I LOVE to write and share from the heart.

So here is my definite plan…to get published by the end of 2019.

From here I can start to work backwards in some of the things I need to do.. I need to perhaps stop playing myself down and show up as who I truly am. Not to worry that shining brightly will cast shadows on others but trust that by standing up taller and shining brighter that I will light up the way for so many muddled minds behind me.

Funny how taking 20 minutes of trying to clear your mind of any thoughts can lead you to such clarity and confidence… not something which could be achieved in active thoughts trying to untangle a muddled mind.

Sending love to you all ❤

V xx

 

Just for today

What if your only job today was to be kind to yourself.

To love yourself enough to put your needs first just for today.

To give up the self doubt.. not for the whole of lent but just for today.

To look in that mirror and smile at yourself. To look yourself in the eyes and appreciate all that you have done.

Just for today don’t focus on the things which you can’t control or the things which annoy you… focus on the things which make you happy.

Just for today don’t give into comparisonitus, self judgment or the mind monkeys.

Just for today give yourself permission to accept yourself…. flaws and all.

Agree with your inner monkey that today is going to be amazing and are excited to see what is coming your way.

Just for today.

Don’t worry about tomorrow lovely, or next week or into next year.

Just think about today and the incredible human that you are as you stand here reading these words.

Right in this moment you are everything you need to be, you are just as you should be and there is nothing to worry about.

With love as always

V xx

A Muddled Mind.. A free gift from birth

I think I was quite sane before kids..  I had a really good business with so much get up and go and before this I had a very well paid serious ‘real’ job in I.T.

And yet fast forward 7 years and a bit and my brain feels like mush… but why?

Why do we as Mother’s loose all sense of who we are, how brilliant we are and how capable we are after we have pulled off the greatest magic trick of life?

We create life, keep it safe and nurture it inside of us and then manage to release it out of our bodies while living to tell the tale… in-fact during these months of growing another human being we function in jobs or indeed rearing our older children too (and often both together)

And yet somewhere along the line we lose all confidence. Confidence in ourselves and our abilities … and this can take its toll. We lose a sense of what we have achieved before kids and therefor what we can achieve next. Often it feels like life as we know it (and indeed often our lives full-stop) are over….a done deal.. a thing of the past.

That now we are ‘MOTHER’ and we should be bloody grateful for that fact. That the fact we dream of more means we are an evil witch who doesn’t deserve the kids she has.

The issue, I think, is that when we have kids we FEEL we are failing at EVERYTHING. No matter how hard we try we are always getting something wrong. It is all unknown and even when we are winning we feel like we must be loosing. Of course when we have our rational brains on then we know we are not failing.. we are keeping our new babies alive, happy and loved.. and this is all we need to do on a very basic level but as the amazing loving creatures that we are… we want the world for our kids and unless we give it to them we feel like we could have done more.

And so we feel we are failing fast.. and if we are failing at something which SHOULD come so naturally then we will now fail at everything. We are conditioning our brains to find proof that we are one major F**K up in all areas. And as we may know the brain will find information to back this up in one way or another.

But let’s take a step back and think about the world we now live in compared to our ancestors. Way back in time the whole village would be involved in supporting a woman bring up her kids.. now we are often locked away at home on the sofa in tears wondering why everyone else has their sh*t together but we are falling apart quicker than the kettle can boil. (hint.. no one feels like they have their sh*t together apart from the ones who really really don’t)

We are more isolated more than ever now, more alone with only our perfect insta feeds and false narratives being played out via our social media feeds. Just so you know.. most of what is on FB and Insta is total BS.

So not only do we feel we are failing because all of these ‘rules’ which have been put on us from far above yet never existed for our Ancestors.. but they lived to tell the tale.. as did their kids and the kids after that?! Let’s face these rules are pretty impossible to reach consistently but we feel alone at a time when we were meant to be scooped up by people around us and shown the way. It isn’t that no one cares now but everyone is so bloody busy… everyone is so wrapped up in their lives and struggling with their own sh*t how can they spare time for someone else?

This coupled with sleep deprivation, sensory overload from screaming babies, and an open door for your mind monkeys to walk through thanks to Social Media is it any wonder us Mum’s have a muddled mind?

So don’t blame yourself lovely for the way you feel. I hope it helps to know that it is totally normal and I would be surprised if you were not struggling…. see this muddled mind as a gift from birth and one which we need to learn to work with over time… but for now just rest and know that it will all be OK.

Sending so much love ❤

Victoria x

 

 

It’s so much easier to think it’s you

We live in a very ‘me-centric’ world really… just the other day I felt uncomfortable that a lady was staring right at me.. obviously I thought I must have done something to upset her… perhaps a friend had sent her a picture of me as “the “most awful” resident in our village or perhaps I had something on my face. My head as full of “me” and used it as an excuse to fully batter me with the mind monkeys which love any excuse to dance all over any joy which was there before.

Then she got up and walked away and her daughter helped her. It turns out the lady was visually impaired so probably couldn’t even see ‘me’ from where she was.

What a waste of energy on my part! But also how bloody self involved am I to think that any stranger that looks my way has the time to think thoughts about me.. we are all just living our own lives here and passing others in a nano-second heart beat.

Even worse than that perhaps I was staring back at her as I tried to work out what I had done wrong or why she would not like me… So perhaps they thought I was staring at her… but I hadn’t even thought anything about her.. apart from why she may not like me.

Aren’t our minds muddled! I wish I had an easy way to flip these thoughts but until then we just need to see them for what they are. A chance for us to see inside our hearts and identify any areas which we could perhaps become stronger, or areas we could try and mend. Only by working behind the scenes on our thoughts can we become less effected in the moment. It really is brain training… and we need to give it our best shot or the rest of our lives will be caught up in thinking pointless thoughts instead of feeling the joy which is waiting for us behind all that nonsense.

With love from one muddled mind to another

V x