I know I have been overthinking everything recently. I feel the only thing I am consistent in is procrastinating thanks to fear/guilt/self doubt … anything to stop me truly giving in and living my life the way I want.
I’ve been dwelling on the intricacies of decisions, feeling frustrated that I no longer knew what I wanted so couldn’t move forward as I was aimless and lost. Like I was waiting for a flash of inspiration or someone to jump to my rescue and answer the riddle for me. I spent a good year in this state of limbo and indecision… failing to live life in the here and now as I was so busy designing a different life in my head….one so far away from the system and the norm that I feel a little crazy in my thinking and yet it is what my heart is calling for.
As 2019 chimed in (we’ll not literally as I was asleep by 10!) I was aware that I needed things to change now and I can no longer allow for circumstances out of my control (such as selling my house) be a factor in how I feel in the here and now. I can’t waste more time feeling this way and so I have to concentrate on my internal state above all else. It’s literally the only thing I am in control of. How I’m feeling inside of my head and heart. I know that when we feel in a positive state we vibrate at a higher frequency and therefor we attract the things we want naturally… instead of having to fight so hard for it.
So not knowing how to move my life forward practically I decided to start to meditate.. really long and deep transformative meditations. I started to practice my Reiki, I started to journal and I started to read. I focused on me.
I spent a lot of 2018 feeling as if I can’t trust myself to stick to anything. Feeling as if nothing sticks any more and that I have no self discipline left…
Well just a few short days after meditating and focusing on the inner work…. I have given up Sugar, alcohol and caffeine. I simply felt like doing it and am two days in and feel strong in my decision. Yes I am eying up the mountain of chocolate and bottle of Baileys at home but I NEED to do this for me… to help myself trust in me again.
I feel different. And yet nothing has changed.
I exercised yesterday for the first time in ages too and had an incredibly productive day work wise. I feel motivated and focused and ready to make things happen NOW.. not sometime in the future when I feel settled.
So my message is that sometimes the best thing you can do is focus on you… just do something to give yourself some peace, space or comfort… work on that inner mind via affirmations, mediations, eft, nlp…. get creative and just allow it all to be.
No one is going to come and solve the riddle for you but something magical happens when you give yourself what you need… you grow incredible super powers to solve the puzzle for yourself 💕