I love writing things down. I love journaling and working things through on paper.
The issue is that I over think everything…what will people think? Will it help someone? Will it hurt someone? Will I be judged? Does it make sense?
So I dry up. Either because I’m feeling as if my words are not being heard or that they are being heard too loudly. Basically no matter what happens I have conditioned myself to pull pack regardless as it’s safer than breaking through that invisible wall which hold so many of us back.
I saw the great Gary V say that our only job is to document and not get caught up in the creation of fancy graphics etc.
I love how it sound so easy and essentially that’s what I want to do.
I want to heal myself… I want to be my best self and yet I am so far away from that ideal that it feels like climbing Mount Everest,
I also feel compelled to share my journey as I am told it helps others and I want nothing more than to help others as I help myself. If something works for me then I want to tell everyone so it can he,o others who are struggling too.
The issue is that as I have been feeling so broken that I struggle to remain consistent due to all the terrible mind chatter I have going on. Instead of allowing my self to just talk on paper (which I am doing here) I keep putting rules and plans around the words.
So this is my plan with this site which I set up in a whim at the end of last year when I felt I had no where else to go.
I want to document as often as I can what I am doing, and how I am feeling so when I am standing in front if you thus vision of health and happiness I can perhaps pull together a plan for others so follow. Sort of leaving a bread trail for me to work backward and unpick what it takes to get me feeling whole.
Anyway that’s my little note to you today… I say ‘you’ but I haven’t told anyone I am writing this yet and want to get a little further along the path before I tell anyone… I want to prove to myself that I can be consistent… day two and counting 💕👌
And for the record today I have exercised, had a green smoothie, drunken water, had no sugar, alcohol or caffeine… I even took my little girl out for a baby chino and instead of my normal mocha I went for peppermint tea and no cake… I feel so much stronger in sticking to this and I am sure it is the meditation which has shifted something. I can’t wait to share more on this..
With all my love,