I think I was quite sane before kids.. I had a really good business with so much get up and go and before this I had a very well paid serious ‘real’ job in I.T.
And yet fast forward 7 years and a bit and my brain feels like mush… but why?
Why do we as Mother’s loose all sense of who we are, how brilliant we are and how capable we are after we have pulled off the greatest magic trick of life?
We create life, keep it safe and nurture it inside of us and then manage to release it out of our bodies while living to tell the tale… in-fact during these months of growing another human being we function in jobs or indeed rearing our older children too (and often both together)
And yet somewhere along the line we lose all confidence. Confidence in ourselves and our abilities … and this can take its toll. We lose a sense of what we have achieved before kids and therefor what we can achieve next. Often it feels like life as we know it (and indeed often our lives full-stop) are over….a done deal.. a thing of the past.
That now we are ‘MOTHER’ and we should be bloody grateful for that fact. That the fact we dream of more means we are an evil witch who doesn’t deserve the kids she has.
The issue, I think, is that when we have kids we FEEL we are failing at EVERYTHING. No matter how hard we try we are always getting something wrong. It is all unknown and even when we are winning we feel like we must be loosing. Of course when we have our rational brains on then we know we are not failing.. we are keeping our new babies alive, happy and loved.. and this is all we need to do on a very basic level but as the amazing loving creatures that we are… we want the world for our kids and unless we give it to them we feel like we could have done more.
And so we feel we are failing fast.. and if we are failing at something which SHOULD come so naturally then we will now fail at everything. We are conditioning our brains to find proof that we are one major F**K up in all areas. And as we may know the brain will find information to back this up in one way or another.
But let’s take a step back and think about the world we now live in compared to our ancestors. Way back in time the whole village would be involved in supporting a woman bring up her kids.. now we are often locked away at home on the sofa in tears wondering why everyone else has their sh*t together but we are falling apart quicker than the kettle can boil. (hint.. no one feels like they have their sh*t together apart from the ones who really really don’t)
We are more isolated more than ever now, more alone with only our perfect insta feeds and false narratives being played out via our social media feeds. Just so you know.. most of what is on FB and Insta is total BS.
So not only do we feel we are failing because all of these ‘rules’ which have been put on us from far above yet never existed for our Ancestors.. but they lived to tell the tale.. as did their kids and the kids after that?! Let’s face these rules are pretty impossible to reach consistently but we feel alone at a time when we were meant to be scooped up by people around us and shown the way. It isn’t that no one cares now but everyone is so bloody busy… everyone is so wrapped up in their lives and struggling with their own sh*t how can they spare time for someone else?
This coupled with sleep deprivation, sensory overload from screaming babies, and an open door for your mind monkeys to walk through thanks to Social Media is it any wonder us Mum’s have a muddled mind?
So don’t blame yourself lovely for the way you feel. I hope it helps to know that it is totally normal and I would be surprised if you were not struggling…. see this muddled mind as a gift from birth and one which we need to learn to work with over time… but for now just rest and know that it will all be OK.
Sending so much love ❤