A step closer to owning my path

Hello lovely. So today I stepped a little into the scary truth and made this blog public. It has been my secret confidant for 4 months and have enjoyed writing to myself. I felt no pressure and yet at the same time I feel called to share my thoughts incase it helps others see that it is ok to not be ok.. it is normal to feel muddled and we shouldn’t allow this to hold us back.

The problem is that when we remain in the clutches of all these mind monkeys everything in our lives will feel so much harder. It will feel like we are pushing treacle up a hill with our eyes closed.

Also if we remain in hiding then we are no truly owning who we are which is no good for anyone. You are hiding from people who really need to hear your words and you are hiding from yourself who needs to hear those words more than anyone.

I find my writing helps me on so many levels… the fact it helps others is just a beautiful bonus.

When we share our thoughts they have less of a hold over us.

I feel vulnerable sharing my muddled thoughts with the world but am trusting that anyone who dares to lift the lid on my muddled mind and take a peak inside is struggling in the same way as me and will know how much kindness is needed in this judgy judgy world we find ourselves living in.

I also hope that others will come forward and share their thoughts here too… to help themselves with a little bit of pen and paper therapy but also to help others feel less alone.

I am weeks away from turning 40 and I fall to pieces around my birthdays. It sucks me under and makes the mind monkeys dance all over my brain but this year I am feeling excited to see the clock tick into my 40th year.. I have heard you care even less about what people think. Yay to that!!

I am feeling ready to stand up and be counted in the way I wish to be seen. I have spent a lifetime feeling confused about who I am and where I fit.. I still don’t know the answer and yet it worries me less and less… if I am meant to be in a field dancing in the flowers by myself then so be it. … I would rather that than fighting in the queues in shops fighting for crap I don’t even want.

Anyway… here is to being you, to being me and to both being fabulous.

My love as always

Victoria x

What if we stopped questioning?

What if we stopped questioning who we were, what we think and where we want to be?

A rose is a rose regardless of what it thinks… it blooms regardless of how it feels.

I find myself over thinking everything at all time. I totally freeze in fear as my head questions my actions over and over again.

Instead of waking up and exercising I lie there in a daze questioning whether I should get up and exercise, whether I should do it later or perhaps whether I should do it at all.

What if I just got up and did it. Counted to 5 and regardless of what I thought or felt.. I just did it.

Imagine how much more confident we would be if we could just get past the mind chatter and do it anyway?

So what do you wish you would just do… on repeat.. without question? What habit would you like to introduce (as that is what we are talking about here… when we develop some things we do without thinking) which would make your world a better place.

For me it is fitness. Health and fitness without a doubt…

I commit here and now that I will exercise each day… after I have had a good think 😉

Sending so much love,

Victoria x

Let’s give ourselves (and others) a break

I was sat in the soft-play last week and overheard a few tables of mums talking. I was overwhelmed how negative the conversations were. How much they were judging their friends and revelling in putting the people who were not at the table down.

I also remember in my work experience how I was to afraid to use the loo as the whole room used to bitch about who ever left the room and stopped as soon as they came back.

I think that is why I am so careful about who I work with… it’s soul destroying…

But then the more I think about it the more I wonder if this is human nature and that we just can’t help ourselves .. like a human instinct.

Perhaps it’s a form of self preservation… and have you noticed the most unhappiest of people do it the most? So by deflecting that sadness onto others it makes us feel better?

Which is odd… as this doesn’t make us feel better really… but as I say it feels like something we can’t control.

I do feel like I am less and less bothered now if people chat about me behind my back (it used to send me into a straight jacket!) because I realise it’s not me… it’s them.

That they just be struggling inside if they feel ripping me to shreds will alleviate their pain. That they are in a dark place and what they need it compassion and not frustration.

I feel this is happening naturally as I grow older.. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt but I am less worried and my nearly 40 year old self would 100% use the toilet if I was in that office again.. in fact I’d try and give them something to talk about while I was gone 😂

I feel like I want to spread joy into this world instead of focusing on the lack of it.. what if we all joined together and made a pact to spread joy each day instead of rumours, hate and distrust?

Hugs lovely xx

This is what you are so scared…

Do you ever wonder why a baby enters the world without any fear at all and yet as we edge into adulthood we gain more and more fear about almost anything.. well there is a reason.. and thankfully there is something you can do about it.

I will use my own experience today as an example so you don’t start beating yourself up as a shitty human being or a dreadful parent. I am just the same and I feel we have been wired this as human beings to protect ourselves so its not our fault.. unless you can blame us for being human..

This morning I caught my daughter hiding behind the tv.. there are so many wires there that I really dont want her getting behind there so I told her that she may cause a fire if she gets behind there again as the wires may touch each other or something while she is behind there. She looked scared and said that she was sorry as she didn’t know… I told her that she wasn’t supposed to know.. I was her Mummy and it was my job to keep her safe and teach her these things.

Then walking to school I warned my children as we entered the car park that if they entered it without me they may get run over as the cars reverse and wont see them.

Then walking home my daughter was admiring berries on the tree and I told her that she must only eat berries from a shop unless we know for sure they are not poisonous. Again she looked shocked.

All I am trying to do here it protect them. To stop them doing things which will cause harm so they live a healthy and happy life. Yet the flip side of this is that as they grow up they are becoming more and more wary of life.

This then coupled with things at school where we are taught that we don’t fit in or that we are not creative or not mathematical.. we start to fear that we are not good and so stop trying.

All these fears gather and gather until we are one big bundle of fear.

Now as we enter adulthood we know that a lot of this is not true on a conscious level but deep inside all these warnings of what could go wrong at any given time makes us cautious and anxious.

Now I am not the sort of person who could stop protecting my kids as I am anxious about protecting them BUT luckily I have tools such as EFT, NLP and an understanding of what is happening so I can unwire a lot of this programming when they need to know they are safe as an adult to to allow them chase their dreams without fear.

And if you are struggling with fear then also know that you can unwire this fearful default so you step into the brave badass human you know you are hidden under all those fears.

So don’t let the fear define you.. let it guide you and protect you but not control you. And know it is not your fault. None of this.. it is natural and is just the way we learn. BUT you can let it go.

With love

Victoria x

Stop trying to fix yourself

The moment i stopped trying to fix myself is the moment I healed myself. I realised that I wasn’t broken.. I was in fact just human.

Yes there were areas I could work on to improve areas of my life but I didn’t need fixing.

Those bits I was trying to fix made me who I was and if I wasn’t me then who would I be?

If I ‘fixed’ myself to the point that I wasn’t me anymore then there would never be another me on this planet… and if there would never be another me then who could see the world in the way I do with my unique set of oddball tendencies and unique map of the world.

So our only job in this world is to show up as fully us in the way only we can… owning the bits we once wish we could have fixed. Seeing our worth as the unique mix of everything which makes us us and never wishing to be less or more.

The world needs you to be 100% you.. now and forever. It is the only way you will be able to flfill your lives purpose… especially if you don’t even know what that is yet ❤

Sending so much love

Victoria xx

You do not need to strain

Somewhere along the way we have convinced ourselves that to be successful we must push ourselves all out of shape. That we must strain and that we must suffer.

I am not sure at which part in History this belief as formed but we are still carrying it now. I know from experience that when it feels easy it feels like I am cheating. It feels like I am doing something wrong and I can’t just be happy with what I am creating.

It is like my success is not valid because I am not stressed out of my eyeballs and so I hide it from all. I never speak of how successful my business is incase anyone asks how… as I am afraid my answer will appear too ‘woo-woo’ right now.

I am believing in all kinds of magic and energy work and as such my life and business feel magical. As if I am not having to try and yet the universe is sending me the most incredible women to support. I am enjoying supporting them and nothing about any of it feels hard.

It hasn’t always been like this. There have been times in the past few years where I have trembled with fear, with anger and with frustration. I felt trapped and I felt I was pushing incredibly hard up a very steep hill.

It is almost as if I feel that what I have created is unfair on others as others have to work so hard and yet it is because I was willing to push through so many comfort zones so early on that I am now being rewarded for that.

I was listening to a coach who I admire greatly talk about how she had felt for so long that what she was doing must be illegal as it felt too easy and she was earning incredible money doing it. I sighed a large sign of relief as I knew I was not alone and it sort of validated my feelings a little.

I think I had been struggling with mental health recently because I felt so guilty that my life had become so easy and was not able to talk about it… I felt almost ashamed instead of proud. It made me feel alone. I belittled what I had created to myself and others to make myself feel more comfortable.

I just need to unpick why… why on earth would I be ashamed about creating an income which allows me total freedom, pays me more than I could ever have earned with my job I left in my 20’s and makes me insanely happy.

Funny old brain hey?! I am sure lots has to be because of our ancestry… coupled with a few money blocks and the crazy society we are living in…. but it is worth noting that you do not need to strain to be successful.. you need to learn to allow it to be easy. Because it can be ridiculously easy.. if we would just let it be.

With love,

Victoria x

Let it float on by…

How easy is it to get sucked into someone else’s “stuff”? And yes I could think of another word beginning with S that would work just as well.

As I sit here stewing on how inappropriate others behaviours are and how annoyed it’s made me I can feel it sucking me under into an evening of noisy mind monkeys and misery which will achieve nothing.

And then I remember. It’s not my issue. It’s not my stuff and it’s not my sh*t.

They are grown humans and can make their own decision and I can make mine. And my decision is to not let their decision effect me.

I am making a decision to let it go.

If it was meant to be hurtful then the best revenge is to not let it hurt. If it was done accidentally then why waste time being hurt by something that was not meant to hurt you?

Either way let it go. Don’t let it weigh you down and decide to let it float on by.

Life is hard enough to carry all this weight around which we could have just let go or never picked up in the first place.

Hugs xx